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The Phantoms of Life

Like many children, I was scared of the dark. It did not help that I grew up in a house that put out some bizarre noises. For example, you could hear my mom putting up the dishes, or you could hear my mom’s favorite show “Perry Mason,” but when you opened the door, the front of the house was dark and quiet. Just this past week, my middle sister and I talked about those strange noises, and we speculated what they could have been. It is the unknown that scares most of us. As adults, it is not just the things that lurk in the dark but those financial, physical, accidental, or terminal phantoms that keep us up at night. The “what-ifs” are always rambling around in our heads, and if we allowed it, they could cripple us with fear.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? Psalm 27:1”
I dislike dramas because I do not find them relaxing at all. The first Jurassic Park movie my husband was on deployment. I was able to fast forward through the intense parts of the film to see what was going to happen, so I could rewind and relax through the scene. Could you imagine if life was that way? I wonder if it was, would any of us walk that hard path? Would you have married knowing all the good, the bad, and the ugly? Would you have had that child if you knew all the sorrow in their life? I wonder if you now think the unknown could be that hidden blessing?
Satan loves to point out all the negative in life, and as a result, we begin to overlook the blessings of love, kindness, opportunities, and challenges. Yes, I think our spirits will always long for paradise, but our sin kept us from that reality. God has presented us with the hope that we can become citizens of heaven in the next part of our journey, but what about now?
Please go read Psalm 27 in its entirety. To help me, I highlighted all the proclamations that are my responsibility. The first two are that my heart will not fear, and I shall be confident. It has taken me a while to understand that I have to decide to be brave, and I have to choose to be confident. If I can go into a movie theater and not pace back in forth or any other foolishness that I do at home, then I can behave myself when life presents to me a plate full of my worst fears. When the emotions begin to erupt is the moment when I stop and ask myself what do I believe about God and Who He is. The next responsibility I highlighted in Psalm 27 is to behold the beauty of the Lord. When I think about the endless abilities of God and that I am His child, I understand that I am not alone in the dark or left defenseless. I often ask God to teach me how to walk on a level path, and for me, that is finding joy in the moment.
God has been faithful through a rape, Navy moves, betrayals, miscarriage, infertility, health crises, a genetic disorder, deaths, and the list could go on. At no point did I say I behaved properly through these events, but what I can say is that I can look back and see the beauty of my God in the middle of life’s ugly. The intimacy that has developed with God during my life is so precious to me that I may not have chosen the given paths, but I would not change them either. With all this said, I would like to leave with a bit of humor. For a woman that hates drama, I do find it ironic that teaching rescued ladies is where God established my gift of teaching. Maybe your dream, peace, or healing is hidden in the place you are avoiding?


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